Couples Counseling
Are you longing to experience a lasting, loving and passionate relationship based on genuine friendship and trust?
Do you long to be seen, heard and understood? To step out of patterns of unkindness, anger, resentment or withdrawal?
Are you struggling with betrayal, distance, gridlock, stress, depression or other challenges?
Relationship counseling can guide you with tools, insights and healing to discover, create and experience the relationship you long for.
There are three entities to each relationship; each individual and the couple. In relationship therapy, we look at all three.
You and your partner each view the world through a unique lens created by your origin, upbringing and individual experiences. These differences, once intriguing and exciting, may have become a piece of the stress, gridlock and friction. How each of your unique individuality is part of the relationship is an important piece of finding healing and finding connection within the relationship. Self-discovery and awareness is a vital piece in relationship therapy, as is the willingness to be vulnerable, honest. Turning toward one another with interest, respect, compassion and courage is essential for working through the tough and sometimes painful process.
Relationship Counseling can help with:
- Feeling secure
- Feeling heard and validated
- Repairs
- Setting healthy boundaries
- Finding balance and harmony
- Speaking more clearly, listening more intently
- A deeper connection with your partner
- Better managing outside influence
- Healing from affairs
- Aligning in parenting
- Having a more satisfying sex life
- Making big life choices while considering self and relationship impact
- Deciding if you want to stay together. (Discernment)
My approach to couples counseling, strongly grounded in Gottman Therapy, uses a comprehensive intake and assessment period to develop an understanding of you as individuals and as a couple. As part of this intake, we will use the “Gottman Relationship Checkup.” Created by Drs John and Julie Gottman, this research-based questionnaire will take a deeper look into your relationship and provide insight into your strengths and challenges while providing therapeutic roadmaps. It allows us to celebrate where your relationship is working while guiding our attention to those areas needing support and strengthening.
We will also draw on my in-depth training in both the Wheel of Consent developed by Dr. Betty Martin and the Somatic Methold to explore any challenges, concerns or obstacles around physical and sexual intimacy.
With a forward focus we will establish goals for the relationship and each of you as individuals.
Discernment
Uncertainty – Do you want to stay or do you want to go?
Are you willing to make changes? Are you one foot out the door? Have too many things happened to bring that foot back in?
Discernment counseling, as compared with relationship counseling, may be beneficial when you find yourself in this situation.
More often than not, one partner will be farther along the process. One may be seriously wanting to work on the relationship while the other is considering leaving or not interested in making any change at all. The discernment process creates a supportive environment that allows for honest sharing of feelings, thoughts and needs to find the best path forward.
Unlike marriage or relationship counseling, which has the goal of strengthening the relationship, discernment counseling is an assessment process that is designed to help you decide whether you and your partner want to work on your relationship, maintain the status quo or decide to part ways.
Relationship counseling is a commitment to bring change. It is open-ended and can take a longer period of time. Discernment counseling is time-limited with the goal of gaining clarity in the decision-making of “what next.”
Discernment Goals
- To evaluate the relationship
- To get unstuck and move forward in the decision-making process
- For each person to clarify what you are willing or unwilling to do to resolve your relationship issues
- To work together to decide if you want to put effort into changing the relationship
The conclusion at the end of the process will be either stay with the status quo, bring the relationship to an end or enter relationship therapy.
My extensive training around work with couples includes:
- Gottman Method Couples Therapy Level 1 and 2 Clinical training
- Other Gottman Trainings: The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work – Couples Addiction and Recovery, and Treating Affairs and Trauma
- I have personally participated in the Gottman workshop The Art and Science of Love
- Somatica-trained Sex and Relationship Coach
- I have trained with The School of Consent learning the Wheel of Consent as developed by Dr. Betty Martin. I am a graduate of Like a Pro Part 1 Foundational and Part 2 Working with Individuals.
Want to see if relationship counseling is a good fit for you all? Let’s talk!